By Susan Dykes — Written on Sep 14, 2018
Photo: Unsplash: Shane Rounce
Whether you are a woman writing to another woman or a man writing to a woman, knowing how to write a love letter to your girlfriend or wife is a romantic way for you to convey the feelings you shy away from expressing in face-to-face communication.
Don’t get me wrong. Most women, myself included, enjoy hearing the man we’re in love with saying, “I love you” out loud and telling us while looking deeply in our eyes just how special we are.
We adore hearing our boyfriend or husband (or girlfriend or wife) tell us how they appreciate all we do for our family and home.
And many of us relish hearing those three little words when we’re cuddling and getting physically intimate.
But sometimes, a woman wants to receive an expression of greater depth and understanding from the person she loves. She wants to know exactly how you feel about her, about your relationship, and about your dreams for your future together.
This is where knowing how to write romantic love letters comes in.
Through your letters, a woman catches a glimpse of the truth within your heart.
She gets to know the part of you you share only with her. And most of all, she gets to hold onto these letters and read them over and over again, especially when, or if, the seas of your relationship get rough.
While there are many ways to put pen to paper, here are 3 steps to get you focused on how to write a love letter that expresses exactly how you feel and says “I love you” to your girlfriend or wife.
1. Harvest your thoughts with mind mapping
Mind mapping is a process that allows you to objectively list those things you most want to say (even if you didn’t even know you wanted to say them) before you sit and down and begin writing your letter.
This free association brainstorming tool helps you channel and focus your initial, rambling thoughts into something more concrete and tangible.
While the list you create through mind mapping will not be your finished product, it will provide you with a bounty of information and insight on what you want to include in your love letter. Once you complete this step, you will discover how much more easily words will flow with your first draft than you probably are expecting them to now.
Simply get a piece of paper, draw a circle in the center of the paper, and write the name of the woman you love in the center of that circle.
Next, draw five branches leading out from the circle. Each branch will represent something you feel about your relationship, and what that means to you.
For example:
- The first branch may reflect upon your first date
- The second branch might be how you delight in watching her teach your children
- The third branch may highlight the happiness she brings to you each morning, evening, or each day
- The fourth branch may express the pleasure you feel about how easy it is to be with her
- The fifth branch may involve some future enchanted evening you plan to spend with her
These first five branches essentially function as headlines for the most important points you intend to address in your love letter. To reach a deeper experience, draw several sub-branches under the initial five and pinpoint specific memories or examples you’ll include.
2. Write two letters
If you have completed the exercise above, you may wonder why you need to write two letters. The answer is simple.
Many of us struggle to express our true feelings, whether on paper or in person.
This is because, for the most part, our society tells us, especially men, that feelings are for the weak. We’re taught to think rather than feel, and for some, the memories of abandonment, rejection, embarrassment, and humiliation we felt during the time in our life when we passed notes in class, only to be ribbed and kidded by our peers or punished by our teachers, remains ever-present.
Your first letter is only a draft. This may be disheartening to some, but it is important.
The first letter you write will most likely carry the tone of all of your ingrained programs from your past. As you write, you may still be afraid to move out of your place of safety and comfort, which is, most often, the intellectual thoughts in your head rather than the emotional feelings of your heart.
Intellectual thoughts aren’t bad. They actually provide a good place to start. However, your first draft is unlikely to achieve the depth the woman in your life deserves.
A woman wants to know your true essence, the part of you that illustrates exactly how you feel about her.
If she has spent any number of years with you, she already knows how you think, but love letters are meant to express how you feel.
Enter in your second letter. This is where you get down to brass tacks and your feelings begin to shine.
This second letter is your confidence wheel. It is where you find the freedom to put on paper the words you struggle to say out loud.
As you review your first draft, think of ways you can deepen the conversation and allow your pen to flow without reservation.
Does that mean you have to put every little detail in place? Does it mean you have to spend months developing an original love letter?
No. It only means you have to know what is important to you in order to be able to express yourself.
The difference between your first and second letter may look something like this.
In your first letter, you might say that you enjoy watching her play with your children.
In your second letter, as you’ve gained confidence in your ability to be vulnerable and courageous, you might expand on this in order to explain to her that watching her play with your children reminds you of a beautiful time in your own life, one when all felt safe in the world.
It is here that you thank this woman for being who she is and for caring enough to make home a place you always want to return to each day.
3. Deliver the product
Now that you have completed your love letter, timing is everything.
While many women enjoy surprises when it comes to things like anniversary presents, birthday gifts, and celebrations, in my opinion, love letters are somewhat different.
For me, reading love letters is a private affair.
You’ve taken time to verse your feelings. Now give her the gift of time to herself during which she can treasure them.
She will most likely want to find a quiet time and place, away from children or noise, someplace where she can absorb the feelings you’ve expressed.
As you consider the timing, be inconspicuous with your delivery. Be genuine, and don’t just throw the letter at her as though you have accomplished some great feat. Remember that this is about her and not about you or your ability to put pen to paper.
You probably know her schedule and her routine. Leave the letter on the counter as you are leaving for work, or place it in her purse so she will see it when she reaches for her keys or wallet.
In time, maybe the same day or sometime later when the two of you are alone, she will tell you her thoughts about the letter you so eloquently penned.
She might show her appreciation through actions rather than words at first, doing little things to make your day, before expressing her own feelings and words of love and gratitude.
Love letters don’t have to be flashy, nor do they have to be accompanied by an expensive dinner out, an outrageous gift, or a special occasion.
Love letters just are.
They just are a place for you and the woman in your life to communicate feelings when life gets hectic.
They just are a way to demonstrate reassurance when the person you love feels discouraged.
Love letters are simply another form of intimacy you can exchange when physical touch isn’t possible.
With love letters, you have the ability to soar past the chatter in your head and move into the feelings of your heart.
This is what makes them so important.
I have found through the years, after receiving love letters and taking the time to write them, that I no longer have to pretend to be strong, full of pride or ego or fear.
Through the gift of love letters, I have found I only need to be honest in order to say, “I love you.”
